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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077788">I Don't Get Her</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuirkQuartz/pseuds/QuirkQuartz'>QuirkQuartz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Beautiful Cruelty [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Owl House (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, F/F, Introspection, Oneshot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:02:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,318</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuirkQuartz/pseuds/QuirkQuartz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Amity reflects on Luz after their encounter at the library, and writes in her diary about it. Restless though, she writes more, and more, and more - And ends up working through the layers of confusion she feels towards the Human. Shipping Undertones</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amity Blight &amp; Luz Noceda, Amity Blight/Luz Noceda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Beautiful Cruelty [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>301</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Don't Get Her</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I ran into the Human again today.</em>
</p><p>Immediately, Amity stopped. The Human. That didn't… Sound right anymore.</p><p>Today had been… For lack of a better term, absolutely nightmarish. Really, she couldn't think of another term for it. From getting caught reading the children, to having to deal with Emira and Edric being their usual annoying selves, and having to run for her life from her book literally coming to life thanks to the Wailing Star… To say that today had been anything but a hectic nightmare would be a massive understatement.</p><p>Oh, and her diary had been read by possibly the last three people in the entire Boiling Isles that she wanted to read it. So that was… A thing that happened.</p><p>She sighed. She could hardly blame the Human for that though. It ended up being fairly clear to her by the end of that entire escapade that they hadn't meant to go through her things, that it had been her siblings' idea. And if she was going to be fair, the Human had saved her just a few hours ago.</p><p>At the absolute least, she could call her by her name.</p><p>Quickly, she erased her first sentence, and started writing again.</p><p>
  <em>I ran into -</em>
</p><p>One again she paused, and her eyes narrowed.</p><p>….How the heck did you even spell her name?</p><p>L-U-Z? L-U-C-E? It sounded like the word 'Loose' almost. It wasn't like any name she'd heard before. It was weird to her. Were all Human names like that? These weird, unspellable names like hers?</p><p>Why couldn't their names be easier to spell, like Silas, or Invictus, or Vespasian?</p><p>Her name sounded close to 'Loose' to Amity, and L-U-C-E seemed like it would be the closest match. She'd just have to ask if she got the chance. Then she could change it if she was wrong. Not that she intended to let anyone read her diary again, so it wasn't like it mattered - But it was the principle of the thing. Be proud of the work as well as the result. That was something she had been taught once, and it was something she took to heart.</p><p>This time, before she wrote, she took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. Once she finished, she started to scribble.</p><p>
  <em>I ran into Luce again today. There was a whole mess that she got involved in with Emira and Edric. They seemed to get on a lot, and I suppose that's why she was involved in the first place. Emira and Edric took her to my secret room and found this diary. I don't even know how those two knew that I had this thing, I thought I kept it hidden well enough. I don't know why they feel the need to taunt me for it.</em>
</p><p>To make you lighten up, they'd say. Amity scoffed. Yeah, right. Because intruding in on her personal space and private thoughts was going to make her become like them. Like that was how it worked.</p><p>They did it to torment her. Why they felt the need, she had no idea. It wasn't like she enjoyed them having to be like they were to each other. She shook her head, and carried on.</p><p>
  <em>Tonight was the night of the Wailing Star too. So on top of a little me sprouting out of the pages to reveal everything she hadn't read, some other books came to life, including one that I read to the children. And it was some… Mutated thing? Apparently Luce, Emira and Edric messed with the drawings or something. I nearly ended up trapped in the book with Luce. It's… Honestly thanks to her that we didn't end up binded in that thing for the rest of time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't know what to make of her. First, she pretended to be an Abomination for Willow, then she acts like we're supposed to be friends that just got off on the wrong foot, then she cheats in our duel, and then she comforts me when I find out what Lilith did to me and after I yelled at her and made her admit she isn't a witch, and then she did magic in front of me when Humans aren't supposed to be able to do magic - I don't know what to make of her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know I haven't been the best person to her. I… Do understand that. I think I have for a while now. But there's just… I don't know, something about her that makes me feel… I'm not even sure. I don't think I can even say I feel irritated or angry at her. But there's always just been this… Response I've felt when she tries to match up to me. I don't know if I'm just being competitive or if there's something else I just don't know about or… What. I feel confused most of the time whenever she's involved. I'm not sure anyone could blame me though - Every time she shows up, nothing goes the way I think it's going to, or how it normally does go. I think even Augustus and Willow have to feel that way from time to time around her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That doesn't excuse me though. Luce saved my life today. It wouldn't be right if I didn't acknowledge that or own up to it. I wasn't sure what to make of her the other day - I still don't. But I don't think I can say she's a bad person, or that she isn't serious about learning Magic. I don't know what else to say about her though. Maybe I'll find out more in the future.</em>
</p><p>It wasn't like there was much to record outside of that, Amity supposed to herself. She closed the book, and stretched. It was late now, far later than she should have been awake. She had classes to attend tomorrow.</p><p>Drawing a small circle to blow out the candle light, Amity made her way through the dark to her bed, laid down, and closed her eyes. She then shifted herself to get more comfortable.</p><p>...Then she shifted herself again.</p><p>...Then again.</p><p>...Then again.</p><p>Then she just stayed still. Clearly she wasn't going to get comfortable from changing position, so she might as well just stay still.</p><p>So she did just that. Stayed completely still.</p><p>…</p><p>…</p><p>…</p><p>…</p><p>…</p><p>...It took twenty minutes before she realized that wasn't happening. Her brain was still swarming with thoughts and ideas and emotions that she hadn't even had the time to realize were in her system. She was as wide awake as she had been when being chased by a magical story character come to life.</p><p>So she lay awake in the complete pitch blackness, with only thoughts and emotions running through her head.</p><p>What was the point of a diary if she wasn't going to use it to vent these thoughts and emotions? Heck, that had been the entire point of starting the damn thing in the first place.</p><p>Quickly, she got up, and cast a small fire spell to relight the candles. Then she made her way to her desk, opened a new page, and wrote again. This time, she didn't realize that she was speaking out loud as she wrote. And she was writing fast.</p><p>
  <em>"I don't get her. I just don't understand Luz. There is nothing about her - Nothing whatsoever - That makes any sort of sense about her. How the heck did she even wind up here for a start? There aren't any open portals or anything like that between the Human Realm and the Boiling Isles, at least not any I know of. So did she just sneak in when someone was visiting for who knows what reason? Was it something to do with that Eda Witch she's learning Magic from? Why didn't Eda send her back if that was the case? Isn't she an outlaw? What's an outlaw doing teaching a Human girl Magic?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How does she even know how to do any sort of Magic anyway? Humans can't do Magic - They're biologically incapable of it! Did Eda do something to her? Or are those - What even are they, Runes? - She draws something history has just left behind? Does she think she'll be able to become a Witch if she can use those? Even if she made a deck of them, the paper she used to show me she could even do magic disappeared after she cast her Light spell - A Witch could just keep shooting spells at her, but if she runs out of paper, she's done for! And she knows like, one spell! What does she even plan on doing?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And goodness sake, she's so nice it's almost sickening! I do not understand how - Especially not to, well, me. I've not been in the least pleasant to her at all. It seems like every time we see each other, something goes on between us - I - " A brief pause. "I treat her horribly, and then the next day she'll run up and ask me how my days have been like nothing ever happened!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Forget Humans - I've never met a Witch or a Wizard, or a Palisman, or a Demon or, or, or, or - or - Or anything who ever acted just so sickeningly nice to someone who treated them the way I've treated her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why? Why is she like this? I don't understand it at all! What kind of person chases someone down on two separate occasions after they've treated them like trash like she did? I don't - "</em>
</p><p>Her page had run out of space. She turned to the next one.</p><p>Before she realized what she was doing, she was writing in huge, bold capital letters.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>"I DON'T GET HER."</em> </strong>
</p><p>Then Amity stopped. And looked at what she had just written. She'd been talking this entire time, and she only just now realized that that was what she'd been doing. Her breathing felt heavier than it probably was, but it was heavier than what someone who was just supposed to be writing should have been breathing.</p><p>What was… <em>Wrong</em> with her?</p><p>She shook her head and pinched at her eyes. Seriously, what was wrong with her? Luz wasn't an uncrackable case - If she just got to know her more, Amity was absolutely certain she'd be able to figure her out. That would be all it took. That was it. That was all.</p><p>Somehow that seemed… Daunting though. And she didn't know why.</p><p>She had… Friends… Well, people she hung out with. It wasn't like she was socially awkward. She could hold a conversation easily.</p><p>So why did the prospect of getting to know Luz seem so.. Daunting?</p><p>...Amity knew why.</p><p>Luz was honest. Genuine.</p><p>And it felt like everyone else she knew… Wasn't.</p><p>...And that included her to an extent.</p><p>How she acted in school or in the streets compared to what she wrote here - She just knew, for a fact, if Luz kept a diary of her own, she would write in the same bombastic, nerdy, obsessed-with-magic tone that she spoke with in real life. She would be the exact same as she was in person. That was why she probably didn't have a diary. Luz wore her feelings on her sleeve.</p><p>While Amity always felt like she had to hide them.</p><p>Being recognized, being respected, being capable of putting your own feelings aside to do what needed to be done - Those were things you needed to be to be noticed by the Emperors Coven. Those were things she had internalized. Things she had applied to her own life.</p><p>She wanted to… Be the best.</p><p>At everything. It didn't matter what. Spells. Grades. Popularity. If it had a 'top', she wanted that to be her.</p><p>….And all Luz wanted was to learn Magic. That was it. That was enough for her. Everyone wanted to do well - Amity was sure of that. She might take it to the extreme, but she was certain everyone wanted to do well. Luz wouldn't be an exception to that, but she didn't let it… Drive her life.</p><p>She was a Human. A Human learning Magic. How many Humans got that opportunity?</p><p>Luz was just happy to be here.</p><p>…</p><p>...</p><p>…</p><p>...Nah.</p><p>There was no way Luz was <em>that</em> simple to understand. In her head, Amity was certain that everything she had come to conclude here was accurate, but there was no way that was <em>it</em>, surely.</p><p>Then again, this <em>was</em> Luz…</p><p>…</p><p>Amity sighed. She wasn't actually any closer, was she?</p><p>...Somehow though, she wasn't upset anymore. The screaming in her head, the emotions whirring and whirring inside her mind - Those had calmed down now. Maybe she just had needed to get those things… Sorted. Had needed to vent. Had needed… Something. But now she was okay. Calm, even. Relaxed. Maybe even a bit tired. Maybe all the ranting had worn her out. Or maybe it was that she was now just… More relaxed.</p><p>She looked at what she had written, and a part of her was tempted to erase it. But for some reason, she didn't. Maybe it was because of what had gone on in her head. How she thought that Luz was the way she was because she was an honest person.</p><p>Maybe she left it like that because she felt it was time to be more honest herself.</p><p>Or maybe she was just tired. She didn't know yet.</p><p>In the bottom right corner of the right page though, she wrote, in normal writing.</p><p>
  <em>...But I don't think that's bad. And I want to understand her more.</em>
</p><p>Amity yawned - The ranting had tired her out now, she realized. Once again, she closed her book, put out the lights, and laid in bed. This time, she felt sleep come along quickly.</p><p>Somehow, she had a feeling Luz was going to be stuck in her head for a while longer.</p><p>…And she didn't think that was bad either.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Update - So because this caused confusion, I want to clarify - the reason the first half of the story, when Amity is writing, I used the spelling L-U-C-E because that was what Amity was writing in her diary, and switched to L-U-Z because she was speaking out loud at that point. That was the intention but that seems to have been lost in application, my apologies. </p><p>So, Owl House is now a thing I'm obsessed with - Cause I guess I'm not busy enough : D But seriously, it's a really fun show I'm really into right about now. I highly suggest it if you haven't watched it... And read this for some reason. Christ knows what you'd make of this without having already watched it. For those of you who do Wwatch Owl House, this episode takes place after Lost In Language, probably my favourite episode so far.</p><p>I may do more Owl House writing - I wanna get a better handle on the characters before I do interactions, this was more a character study for Amity and to get used to writing again - I've been doing a lot of political stuff for my original stuff (Tired Anarchist Laughing) so thats been a thing. I wanna get a better handle on Luz in particular, Amity I think I learned a lot about from this. This is very lightly ship related cause of that. I do feel rusty, and I do feel like this helped a bit. Dunno if it's any good like, but I'm glad I did this.</p><p>Update 2 - This story is technically continued in my new Lumity Story - Beautiful Cruelty. Not to any major degree, just a few call backs, BUT if you liked this I'd suggest checking that out - I'm super proud with how it turned out : D</p><p>I'ma read some Lumity stuff now, I'm tired.</p><p>Oh, happy Victory in Europe day to all - Hell of a day to upload this huh. Enjoy the defeat of Nazi's by reading vaguely gay shit, heheh.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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